Why Your Chances of Being Single at Valentine’s Will Increase Each Year
The season of love has ended. For many couples, that meant flowers, dinner dates and staycations. Love had never felt rosier. But would you feel the same if you found out your partner has a sex toy?
Sex has changed from a topic that was kept on the hush-hush to a topic many are comfortable conversing about. Even sex toys, once considered to be shameful or dirty, are increasingly being experimented with.
A Market That’s Not Growing Too Slowly
Figure 1: Size of the sex toy market worldwide from 2019 to 2026 (billion USD)
Data source: Statista
Sex toys purchases have been on the rise globally, and the market thrived even more during the pandemic. To put things into perspective, the global sex toy market is 30 times larger than Singapore’s tuition market. Even our love affair with education is unlikely to grow that large. However, with Singapore’s growing number of singles, perhaps it may not be too far into the future.
Data shows that the global sex toy market was expected to grow from approximately US$28.64 billion in 2019 to around US$52.7 billion in 2022; a whopping 84% growth. This forecast was proven true at the start of the pandemic. Over the first global COVID-19 outbreak in 2020 and its resultant self-isolation, society realised that “you are your safest sexual partner.” In these times of need where human interactions were restricted, many jumped on the bandwagon of purchasing sex toys to pleasure themselves.
How Our Asian Counterparts Are Getting Used To Self Pleasure
Figure 2: Market size of sex toys in Japan from 2014 to 2019 (billion Japanese yen)
Data source: Statista
Even in countries that tend towards conservative attitudes towards private pleasure, the retail value sex toys rose from ￥162 billion (US $1.406 billion) to ￥181 billion (US $1.571 billion) in just 5 years. Does this suggest an increasingly greater level of sex positivity and openness within the Japanese society?
Figure 3: Level of satisfaction with their partner’s sexual performance among people in Japan in 2019
Data source: Statista
The majority of our Asian representatives did not feel positively about their partners’ sexual performance: with 20% feeling unsatisfied, 10% feeling very unsatisfied and 30% feeling neither satisfied nor unsatisfied.
While this suggests a pattern that many are purchasing sex toys due to the displeasure with their partners’ sexual performance, how would one feel knowing that some of these purchases may have been made by one’s partner?
Analysing Sex Toys Related Threads With HAMI
We extracted and analysed data from 19 Reddit threads resulting in 1806 comments using HAMI to investigate.
When looking through Reddit threads pertaining to sex toys, a large number of posts consist of users lamenting about their partners purchasing these toys and their sentiments towards the issue. Among these users, the majority tend to begin the thread by expressing their insecurities:
“Kinda jealous of girlfriend's sex toy”
“I think my(19M) girlfriend(25M) prefers using sex toys to me actually penetrating with her and now I feel intimidated and kinda emasculated”
“Found boyfriends sex toys that he’s never used with me”
“My Girlfriend bought a sex toy and I'm completely insecure about it”
“My(24F) boyfriend(26M) is intimidated by my sex toys and doesn’t want to touch me anymore.”
The Online Community & Self Pleasure
Figure 4: Top keywords of commenters ‘advice’
Based on the topic modelling, “sex life” and “enjoy sex” were the most frequently referenced terms amongst Redditors when talking about sex toys, suggesting that sex toys are largely viewed as tools to aid couples in improving sex in their relationship.
On the contrary, phrases such as “destroy marriage” and “problem sex” tell us that there are a handful of Redditors who view sex toys as tools that create a negative effect on their relationship and may thus be buying it for that purpose.
Having a Partner With a Plastic Lover
A text summarisation is as follows:
“y'all got LOTS of options, and guys have multiple options too, but there aren't as many, and most of them are pretty much the same, there are some differences, but the "slab of silicone" is basically just a flashlight with two holes and asscheeks you can grab \n\n So yeah, I think slabs are okay, but full body dolls are creepy and unnecessary \n\n But honestly idgaf, I'm honestly chill with my hand, I bought a fleshlight and it wasn't good enough to keep, I'll try new stuff with my partners if they want but I ain't going outta my way for it, but I know that female masturbation is way more complicated, so as long as I feel like I'm still her preferred sexual activity, I got no problems with the toys she uses, I mean, I've got some limitations too, like, I wouldn't want her getting a sex doll either, I'd prefer toys that I can use WITH her but its not required, and also, like, if you're gonna get a dildo that is bigger than my dick, I'd rather it not be life-like, get a purple one or some shit that doesn't look like a real dick, one with weird grooves and bumps, y'all know what I mean, no testes on it or veins or whatever, I haven't had that happen to me yet but I feel like it could lead to some insecurities, haven't had a girl with one like that yet tho, if its like, the same size as me or similar I don't think 'd care, but if you got a 10" dildo that looks like a realistic dick and you're dating me, a dude with a lil under 7" I could see myself being self conscious (and I feel like that stems from the same emotions that makes the ladies hate the sex dolls too)', 'Tell him the dildo you bought was for HIM. (Not that you are).”
Comments tend to highlight the pragmatism behind such purchases. This is evident in the summary, which reveals that people generally view their partners purchasing sex toys in a positive or neutral light, save for some exceptions.
Rather than viewing sex toys as tools solely for self-pleasure, Redditors view them as supplements to their sexual activities and relationship. Some examples include:
“My girlfriend sometimes uses toys when we're having sex because I'm just not enough sometimes tbh if it makes the sex better and her orgasm it doesn't really bother me. Your boyfriend should be able to do the same.”
“Your partner's pleasure is not about you. It can involve you sometimes (or a lot of the time), and creating boundaries on sex toy use can really limit your partner’s comfort and trust with you. A sex toy is just a tool to make pleasure easier to obtain, and better in quality, but it doesn’t mean that sex without it is subpar. It can just be the cherry on top. A sex toy can help your partner achieve orgasm, but it can’t hold her, or reassure her, make her laugh, kiss her, or any of the other stuff that you provide for her because you care about her. It’s okay to feel a little inadequate, but remember, this machine has one purpose, so it’s good at that. You have many purposes and are a person, not a machine.”
However, it was also made clear that sex toys can lead to self-esteem issues, which in the long run may be detrimental to one’s relationship:
“I have some insecurities about my size and to be honest too and I dont know much about how I should get over them…It might be difficult to understand for some women but our size is a big part of what makes us feel masculine…Men dont really like talking about their problems that much. that's why it's actually a good idea to just leave us alone sometimes, because it gives us a chance to handle it ourselves…”
Conclusion
Online conversations suggest that sex toys can benefit couples where both parties are accepting of it. As couples become more open to learning and experimenting, the market can change and grow.
However, if your partner is not receptive, the conversations suggest that you may have to consider other options. But, if an individual in a relationship desires to use sex toys, a Redditor recommends:
“You [should] sit down with [them] and have a grown-up conversation about it. Lay out how it makes you feel and emphasize you want it to be great for both of you. Communication is key with sex for it to benefit both people.”
Why is this data significant to Singapore?
A 2019 survey conducted by Women's Weekly revealed that only 15.6 per cent of Singaporean women introduced sex toys into the bedroom, especially because of taboos developing around sex.
Following the dataset by Statista and its revelation of a growth in the sex toys market, it seems that even Singaporeans seem to be becoming more open to sex in the past few years.
This is evident in a 2020 survey commissioned by Smile Makers (a Swedish sex toy brand) that revealed that 62 per cent of Singaporean women preferred to see vibrators in beauty stores than sex shops.
Even more notably, surveys and focus groups conducted by Good Vibes (a Singaporean sex toy brand) in 2021 showed that many female owners of sex toys bought them with their partners, which goes to show that Singaporean couples are open to experimenting and finding methods of pleasure for both parties.
These findings indicate an increased normalisation in conversations about sex and the lifting of stigma surrounding sex in Singapore. And as sex positivity rises, we will undoubtedly see a hike in self-pleasure, even within relationships.
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